Neither Here nor There

I turned 21 almost a month ago. I wanted to tell ya'll about all the fun I had going out to the very fancy Peabody hotel at midnight so I could mark the moment and about the tasty food I ate the next day at Bahama Breeze, but I kept waiting. I was waiting for some of my friends to give me pictures from the day, but that still hasn't happened.

Now that this post is officially unfashionably late, I'd just like to share a few snapshots.

{Peabody for Cosmos at Midnight 8/29}

I've also been meaning to tell you about this dress since August but wanted to wait to post the picture. I have no sewing (or domestic in general) skills to speak of, but about 3 weeks before my return to school I woke up one morning with the great desire to make a dress. My mom, who does have mad sewing skills didn't miss a beat and before I could say Memphis-in-3-weeks she was whisking me off to Joann Fabrics. We bought a delightful vintage 50's looking pattern and some cheapo fabric, thinking we'd start with a sampler. Well, I'm a sucker for polka dots so it ended up being the real dress.

So, ladies & gents, that is the very significantly abridged story of how my sweet and charitable mother taught me how to and helped me sew a dress in 3 weeks.

I was so excited to wear it on my 21st.

<3

Trivial

I've just been browsing a bunch of "New Moon" set photos.

No, I will not try to justify this use of my time to you.

I could share with you the hottest ones.

But instead I invite you to join me in puzzling over the following:

It's probably safest not to ask but...Why is Bella's bedroom in the forest?

Oh so that's how you sleep. I've been doing it wrong.

Anyone else feel awkward? Edward is clearly telling us to go away and come back later.

Sure, the above is uncomfortable--and then you see this:

Something is very wrong.

The look in this picture is so loaded I can't decide on a witty caption. There are so many directions it could go!

What does this photo say to you?

{Back to work and normal human activity for me.}

Last week the skies in Memphis turned grey and that way they stubbornly remained refusing to allow any sunlight at all for an endless six days. Drowning downpours of rain alternated with silent spells where the air hung in choking thick waves of humidity. The ground was riddled with puddles, excess water that couldn’t be absorbed.

Each day felt off kilter even for a rain lover like myself. Not enough steady rain, too much wet air and unyielding grey. And then the news started to trickle in: depression, lost jobs, and one too many car crashes. Every person I talked to or social network I glanced at had some tail of woe. Families suffered. The good died too young. Personal battles were lost (and some won).

{R.I.P. David King.}

At moments like these, the pain all around feels as unceasing as the rain and I become overcome by helplessness. In the end, I remember that all I can do is pray and love and support my friends and family.

This afternoon the sun peaked out from one small gap in the mass of clouds. Suddenly, the gap expanded and more and more sunlight spilled through. By the time I walked to the library, I was able to slip my sunglasses over my eyes.

Neither the light nor the dark can last forever.

[Photos mine-Paris 12/08; Memphis 04/08]

Anniversary

It was one year ago today.

One year ago today I left home for an uncertain semester abroad in Salzburg, Austria.

First, though, the program planned a weekend stopover in London.

I wrote out a very lengthy post on this anniversary, but nothing was coming out right. Instead, I will share one anecdote. {It’s probably the most important one anyway.}

My arrival in London seemed to be set under cloudy conditions. I was the last of 50 kids in my program to arrive, I was stuck in traffic for an hour and the hotel was empty of my peers when I arrived. Jet-lagged and beginning to lose faith in the entire semester, I found a pay phone down the street (yes, a signature British red one) and called home to say I’d arrived and to have a good cry. I detailed the woes of the last 20 or so hours and then, after a bit of sympathizing, my mother said some words to me that I believe shaped my entire trip.

I don’t remember the exact words—darn, wouldn’t that be way more dramatic?—but I know exactly what she meant. Without being harsh, she urged me to take the few hours I had before the program meet and greet cocktail party and really think how I wanted to remember them and how I should use them. It was my sole responsibility to decide how to look at the situation and how to treat it. Was I really going to hole myself up in my empty hotel room and sulk until 6 p.m.? Essentially, she advised me to go out and not let the day be ruined by my own fear of the unknown. I tearfully hung up and then proceeded to sulk in my room for another 10 minutes.

After that I took a very deep breath and thought hard about how I wanted my three months abroad to go. I had dreamed of study abroad since I was 10 and I’d been in like with Salzburg since I picked it in January. I was placing all my hopes in fate when what I needed to do was make the trip of my dreams happen. Adventure wouldn’t come to me, I needed to go out and make things happen. I grabbed my camera, ten pounds and a map and found my way to Hyde Park/Kensington Park. I took amateur pictures, I walked all over, blissfully directionless, and I felt myself relax in the lovely cool London air.

I love this picture. My camera messed up and made it all fuzzy but to me it looks like an Impressionist painting, like a Seurat.

I bought myself some gelato on the way back to the hotel and by the time I met my temporary roommate I was a much pleasanter girl.

{Feed the birds, tuppence a bag}

I was a girl who knew what she wanted from her life abroad and realized that only her own choices and attitude could make the semester a success.

I followed through when it came to cocktail hour and despite my normally shy-at-first-introduction nature (because after first-introduction I’m my energetic, loud self) I confidently used my acting skills to introduce myself to everyone I ran into. I decided I’d rather have friends even if it was slightly painful meeting them than spend the semester alone.

It was wonderful. I went out that first night to some pubs with about fifteen people I’d just met. No, they didn’t end up being my group of best friends. But, because I welcomed every new person into my life and didn’t close myself off I do remember meeting each and every one of my best friends that weekend and I’m so happy I have those memories. If I hadn’t put myself out there at every turn I may never have met the group that made my trip what it was. I didn’t know that the girl who went out with me and two of the guys Saturday night when we ended up eating runny tomato soup and drinking Smirnoff in a lackluster pub would be my suite mate and one of six best friends. It was just the first of thousands of memories.

Now here I am getting all long-winded on my “cliff-notes” version of my original anniversary post. And I’m ok with that. I’ve decided to stop being an audience-conscious blogger and do this for me.

I really cannot stop talking about Salzburg. At the same time I have yet to be able to craft a post that felt succinct or well-worded enough about how much the entire experience meant to me to post it here. Honestly, the past few months have sometimes felt like a huge lie because Salzburg is such a part of me that without knowing about it, I feel like no one can know me. Still, I realize now it just can’t be put into one post.

I’ve decided I’d like to spend the next three months posting snippets of anecdotes, pictures or travel tales here. It won’t be every post, but it will be at my leisure. I am constantly yearning for Salzburg and my friends and endlessly recollecting a joke we all shared or any little incident. Now I have an outlet. I’d love to have you along for the journey, but I’m not offended if you skim over it.

I wish it was one year ago today right now. Yet, I would never want to risk doing anything differently. Instead, I'll just joyfully reminisce.

Dreams.

Last night I had a couple of dreams.

The first was practical. I found myself in my Memphis Target. I was in one of my productive moods, not shopping for pleasure but for need (which is always difficult for me at the glorious Tar-je). I went through my list in my head and then I was off, walking with purpose through the aisles to get poster putty, slippers, ibuprofen, milk…

This is my real shopping list. You can’t imagine my disappointment when I woke up and realized I had not, in fact, gotten all of my errands done over night.

The second dream was physical. I thought I was awake lying in my very own bed in my very own room but my feet were on fire. They were enflamed and unbearably itchy from 6 mosquito bites per foot. They felt swollen and hot and I scratched and scratched until the skin was raw, tossing and turning in my bed. I was lost in a feverish, sleepless daze. It was one of those dreams where you don’t realize it’s a dream until you wake up.

I do, however, have 6 mosquito bites per foot. While the quality of the dream was too hyperbolic to have been entirely real--my feet really did feel like they were burning—I don’t doubt that I scratched my feet while I slept.

The final dream was emotional. There was a boy I’d once liked. He was in a place he shouldn’t have been and so seeing him was an unexpected pleasure. I joyfully called out in my surprise to say hello before I could stop to think if it was a good idea. He looked less than happy to see me and offered a half-hearted greeting before wandering away. I was disappointed because besides liking him, we were friends.

Awaking from this dream I felt relief that I knew these actions to be completely untrue of his character, and sadness that I have not and will not see him for a long time.

I’m sort of a sucker for dreams. I love having them, remembering them, trying to guess about them.

But tonight I’m holding out hope for a few less stressful/painful/sad dreams.

I think I’d like to be picnicking on Kaputzinerberg. And to get a pastry at Café Habekuk. And to iceskate in Mozartplatz. {Salzburg} And I’d really like to ride in a hot air balloon since I’ve yet to do that.

What will you do? Where will you go tonight when you dream?