Across November; Across the Universe

At around 1 p.m. today I crossed the NaNoWriMo finish line on my novel, Across the Universe—50,000 words! iTunes shuffle blasted “Go the Distance” right as I hit my winning word count. A lovely coincidence, no?

I want to ramble a bit about my NaNoWriMo experience. It’s going to be long. Read if you feel so inclined.

I was a Creative Writing major in school and I loved it. But after four years, I’d kind of lost my passion for writing. It had become a chore because I had to produce work on a deadline and for an entire class to read and critique. I think workshops are invaluable and I really appreciated learning how to share my work with a critical audience and receive and utilize their constructive criticism in my revisions. But it did become impossible for me to write without considering my audience. I knew that I was restricting my own voice either because I was afraid to share what I really wanted to write with a class or because I needed everything to be as polished and presentable as possible.

When I decided to take on NaNoWriMo I barely had a story idea in mind. Nothing came to me until the last days before I had to start writing. And then, the idea I had was quite basic and unexciting. I think when it comes to NaNoWriMo there are a couple of different mindsets. The idea is to write a novel and one of the goals at its inception was for NaNo to help people who had always wanted to write their novel to actually do it. So you write write write for a month and then, once you get the words out, you can take time editing and rewriting and getting it to a publishable state. Well, I entered NaNo with a very different state of mind. I just wanted to write. I wanted something to fill my time, I wanted a goal and hopefully a chance to feel successful during the dark period I was going through when I entered November.

So, when I started writing, I was blessed with a feeling of freedom I hadn’t felt in years. And that’s how the words started pouring out. The truth is, from the start I never planned to share my novel with anyone. I wasn’t writing something I wanted to someday publish. This was for me and me alone. And it was completely liberating. I would be willing to bet that 3/4ths of my novel is pure crap. I wrote sentences so dull and cliché that it almost hurt. My characters need so much more development, major scenes are missing, facts got mixed up and contradicted, and there were times when I was generally writing myself into corners or tangents. It was wonderful! I didn’t have to worry about the writing being perfect or if other people would like my story and characters because nobody would ever read it.

Writing like this has been so wonderful for me. It’s been a complete treat for myself. I divulged every little whim and basically let myself live vicariously through my characters. Through writing, I could do so many things and go so many places. One of my main characters became a professional dancer—I’ve never been able to dance at all. Heck, I can’t even touch my toes, much less dance ballet. But Lucy can. I got to go back to Salzburg and visit the charming Kristkindlmarkt, taste delicious pastries and wurst again, stroll through the Aldstadt and ice-skate in Mozartplatz all because William grew up there. I could make anything happen. Some of it is over the top, all of it is un-publishable. Thank goodness that was never my intent.

I have had the best and most freeing time writing my novel this November. I entered my winning word count today at 52,086 words. The story itself is actually far from over and I can’t wait to keep writing it. I can’t leave my characters hanging just because my word count is up.

I am so appreciative of the support and interest so many of you have shown for my writing process and story. Many of you have asked to read it. Unfortunately, the truth is that the writing is horrible and the characters flat and I won’t be sharing the novel anywhere publicly. I’m sorry, but I’d be embarrassed for anyone to actually read it. It’s also very personal at times because I let myself work out thoughts and theories and questions I have about life through my writing. This was just something I had to do for me.

I started this month feeling unhappy, lonely and lost in Spain. I wanted to feel like I was doing something with my time and I also hoped that writing 50000 words would help the time fly by.

November flew by. It wasn’t just the writing, things began to change overall. Life got busy. I started teaching more private lessons, I went on a couple of small trips, I had a friend visit, I read an amazing book, there were coffee and tapas dates with friends, errands to run, longer conversations with my roommate, Thanksgiving, and more. I should have known that by declaring that life sucked and I had so much free time that things would change. But I am so glad they did. This month has been just what I needed in so many ways. The rough days aren’t gone. I know they will cycle back and pop up now and then. I am just happy that things have definitely improved and that my life is fuller with both things to do and people. I know December will fly by too—I’ll be in Madrid for Christmas and Scotland for New Years!

I am so excited to have succeeded at NaNoWriMo this year. It was just what I needed. Thank you for listening to me talk on and on about it and for taking an interest in my endeavor. I am sorry I can’t gratify you with the novel itself, but I really truly thank you for caring when I rambled on about Will and Lucy.

Now, let’s see what December’s got in store!

Grilled Cheese

I'm eating grilled cheese with tomatoes at 2a.m.

That's what the power of suggestion will get you when you stay up late watching t.v. and the characters eat grilled cheese with tomatoes. What can I say, it's not hard to convince me to eat something. And at in the late night/early morning hours I say the more unhealthy, the better.

I have had the most wonderful week. Last weekend was rough. I hit rock bottom. I was down and out. The good thing about things really sucking is that then they inevitably have to start getting better. This week was full of little and big blessings.

Yesterday I had a Thanksgiving meal with the 2 other Americans in my town. Stuffing! Turkey (filets)! Mashed potatoes! Divine apple crumble! It was like America in my mouth. We hypothesized that it tasted even better just because it was so very American and made us think of home.

Today I spent 5 hours with the family that invited me for lunch. We had 4 courses! And their darling 4-year-old son made me a menu. It felt wonderful to be included and it also gave me a confidence boost to discover I could hang out with a family for that long only speaking and listening to Spanish. Huzzah!

I am finally listening to Christmas music and lights are going up all over my pueblo for Christmas. I cannot wait til everything is lit up!

Dang this grilled cheese is delicious. I think it's even tastier because it's 2a.m.

:)

A Thanksgiving Day Surprise

When my friend Emily came to visit, my mother sent her weighed down with things for me. Mostly practical things like scarves and sweaters since I was freezing in my piso. But she also sent a bunch of stickers she thought might be useful in my classes. Today, I was sorting through the stickers and a card slipped out of the pile. I was so excited! I had completely missed the card my parents sent until now.

Inside of the card were pressed fall leaves. I definitely cried out with joy and then proceeded to smell the beautiful fall fragrance. What a fantastic Thanksgiving surprise! Thank you Mom and Dad. <3

Following the advice of family members and friends, I have been keeping a gratitude journal for a few weeks now. It feels so wonderful to stop at the end of each day, even when the day sucks, and dwell on the good things, no matter how big or small. On particularly rough days my entries tend to include things like “I’m grateful that I have this pen to write with.” But more often than not I discover to my surprise that I have many things to list.

This year I am in a country that does not celebrate Thanksgiving, but I think it’s possible that I’ve been feeling the Thanksgiving spirit more than ever. I’ve done a little Thanksgiving activity in each of my classes—you know, hand turkeys and coloring sheets—and I’ve explained the holiday to the teachers and my roommate. Some of them recognize the holiday from American movies, but most people were surprised to learn it was not associated with Christmas (except for maybe in our minds…) and that it was not a religious holiday. I explain that although the roots of Thanksgiving have to do with celebrating a meal between the pilgrims and the Native Americans, nowadays it is much more centered on recounting our blessings, giving thanks and sharing time with family. Almost everyone has told me they wished they had such a celebration in Spain.

I wanted to list the things I am grateful for but they are too numerous to count and no blessing deserves less attention. As always, I am endlessly grateful for my family and friends. But here I am learning to be just as grateful for the smallest kind gesture from a stranger or new acquaintance. Although I will always need the support of my family and friends more than anything else, in daily life here it is the patient smile from a store clerk or the small gestures of welcome from strangers, coworkers or student that really make a difference.

As for me? I gave my roommate a Thanksgiving coloring worksheet with a little note expressing my gratitude for her and an orange Fanta (she loves Fanta). It was much less than I wanted to do, but she lit up and I think it made both of us feel great.

Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you!

If you are going through a rough phase in life, I urge you to look for the small blessings everywhere and find a way to express your gratitude. It will make you feel better than you can imagine.

Edit: Seriously, guys, people are amazing. I just got back from a private class session where I work with a family of four. I told them a little bit about Thanksgiving just as a matter of conversation. All of a sudden, in the middle of the hour, the parents broke into a little side conversation in Spanish. They then invited me to have lunch with them on Saturday--as they explained it, they wanted me to have a nice meal since I was missing Thanksgiving! Does that move your heart a little bit? It's making mine feel like melted butter. They also sent me home with a bag of Christmas sweets (what they call a certain type of sweets here). I am a bit nervous because we're going to speak solo en espanol (only in spanish) on Saturday, but I'm also excited for the opportunity to practice.

Book Rec

Good Book: I just finished reading the most incredible book. At first, when I realized how sucked into the book I was, I felt like an idiot. Why did I start a book during the month when I am trying to write 50,000 words? Of course, then I realized that although I was slacking off on writing for a couple of days, I was also speeding through said book and would be able to get back to writing in no time.

The book is Extraordinarily Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer. Read it, oh do. It's a little bit heartbreaking, but his characters are vivid and it feels like they're speaking straight to your heart.

Also, if you have a Nook, I believe it's one of the books with a "Lend Me" option, so tell me and I can lend it to you...or rather, I can try to figure out how that feature works and hopefully lend it to you. :)

My favorite and least favorite part of a good book [emphasis good] is the end. It's so satisfying but so depressing because it means you have to leave that world and that story behind. If you're lucky, it's a series. Of course, then when a series comes to an end (shout out to my boy, Harry!) it's that much harder to say goodbye to the characters and the story.

If you read it, let me know what you think!

Mi Familia

Yesterday, I was teaching my first graders Family vocabulary.

My first graders are my favorite class, hands down, although there are things I enjoy about (almost) all of my classes.

Although they usually eagerly and enthusastically repeat me when I teach them words, yesterday they were definitely zapped of energy. It was *Gray, cold and rainy outside and they looked terribly sleepy. After repeating "Grandpa" once quietly, my attempt to get them to repeat it again had the word turning into "ga-ra" or variations thereof. It was just a sort of groaning noise. I didn't blame them, I myself just wanted to curl up by my heater with a *good book.

But then, I brought out something extra I had printed for class that day. I wasn't sure how it would go over, or if the kids would understand, but I had printed out a labeled picture of my own family.

Suddenly, they were awake. Their eyes widened, literally widened, and nine little bodies began leaning forward over desks as though my photo had magnetic pull. I pointed to each family member and explained "Dad" "Sister" "Brother" "Me" "Mom." I went to the first desk, planning to bring it to each student so they could look at it up close, but the minute I stopped in front of Celia, everyone else jumped out of their seats and gathered excitedly around her to stare at the photo. I could see them mouthing the words, some of them gently touched the picture, and dear Mercedes said "Que guapa," in whispered reverence.

My smile was so wide. I just couldn't hold it in. I felt tears in the corners of my eyes, but not sad ones.

My family means everything to me. I know if you read my blog, this isn't a new topic. I miss them more than I can say right now, and being able to share them with a class of precious children and seeing their reaction made me feel so full of love--for my family and for my class. I was so proud to share my family. The children were so adoring.

And I had to agree. My family is muy "guapa."

Crock-Pot Entry

I keep trying to write blog posts. Not because I feel like I have to (my blog philosophy is to only blog when I want to) but because I want to say like twenty different things and everything keeps coming out jumbled.

So now you get what you get, which is me posting a bunch of random things in one entry that may or may not have anything to do with each other. I’m throwing the contents of my mental fridge in a crock-pot, so to speak.

*Which brings me to random thought number 1: I really like metaphors. Apparently. Recently, I’ve noticed that I think of strange and often dumb metaphors comparing my life to things as I walk around town/do the dishes/take a shower/etc. I know they’re really dumb and so although I usually think “ooo! I could blog about this!” I immediately remind myself “No, Kate, that metaphor is actually really stupid.” Well, it’s more like I realize it’s stupid twenty minutes later and am a little let down. That’s ok, they still make me feel good in the moment of their conception. So I guess what I’m telling you is 1.) I enjoy a cheesy metaphor and 2.) You do not have to hear about my metaphors comparing the struggles and joys in my life to: the tops of pretty old buildings, my broken DVD player, a really good cup of tea, and the meat counter at the supermarket.

*I bought a European Coffee pot last week. Today I tried to see if I could figure out how to make it work without any instructions and guess what? I had total success! After buying the coffee pot I also felt it was a symbolic moment in my life here….so I guess I like metaphors and symbolism. Things have been getting slowly but surely a little better here for me. Or at least, I’ve been feeling less depressed. I know that nothing has changed but my own attitude. One of the things that’s helping me is the semblance of routine and normal life I’m establishing here. And so buying the coffee pot, for me, was a symbolic move forward towards living a normal and happy life here. At home, I like to enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning or with a good book or when writing. Deciding to invest (I mean, it was only 10 euros, but whatever) in a coffee pot here felt very positive and symbolic to me. And very European.

*I’m at 22,000 words for NaNoWriMo! I’m going to do this, guys. I’M GOING TO DO THIS. (If I say it in caps, I have to. That’s a rule somewhere, right?)

In reality, though, I think it’s interesting that as soon as I said “heck, my life is empty and lame and filled with free-time here, there’s no better time to do NaNo,” my life began to take a turn for the busier. That’s one of those laws, but I can’t remember which one. Anyway, life has indeed gotten busier, but I’m not complaining. I’ve been arranging private lessons by word of mouth and along with doing a conversation class with a 17 year old girl, I will also now be working with an entire family—kind of nervous but excited for that one. The parents speak English and just want to practice with a native and have me correct them, and the kids are 1 and 4. On top of the private lessons, I am beginning, albeit slowly, to know more people and I am trying to push myself to build relationships. I have a couple different plans in the works for meeting up with different teachers from my school. And finally, on top of that, after almost two months my lovely roommate and I are really in a comfortable place with one another. I still make mistakes all the time, but I feel more at ease talking with her and less like I need to sit still and think out what I’m going to say in my head first. So, we spend more time together conversing while hanging out in the sala.

*Things I am grateful for lately: Skype working perfectly for the first time ever since I’ve arrived so that I could have a really long call with my friend, Shannon. After two weeks of my DVD player on my computer being broken (like, not even listed under “device manager” anymore—it disappeared from existence on my computer!), it inexplicably worked last night! A busy and delicious-food-filled visit with my friend Emily who came all the way from CO to see me…more on this later. A really beautiful Saturday, perfect for walking along the Matallana, tapas, and coffee & a book.

+1,000 other things. I have a lot to be grateful for.

This is a long post, so let’s call it a day for now. More rambles later. I hope your weekend is bright and cheery wherever you are! And if it's not bright outside, then I suggest making it bright inside with a good book or movie and your favorite hot beverage. That's what I like to do. :)